Keeping it real

Real World April 13, 2012

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Reality is beginning to set in.  In roughly two hours, I will be picking up my bib and t-shirt for my first 5k.  I have never physically worked harder for something in my life.  This has been a tall mountain to climb and I’m ready for the top.  I am beyond nervous and anxious.

A few people have volunteered to cheer me on through the run, and I’ve (politely) turned them down.  Matt and Annie are the most important people in the world to me, and it only seems fitting that it’s them who I collapse, cry, and celebrate with.

I am incredibly proud of myself for having kept running towards my goal (hardy har har).  Tomorrow when I cross the finish line, I’ll be astonished at my accomplishment.

A little reflection of the last 4 months:

When I began running January 9th, I couldn’t even imagine getting to April 14th.  I have trained for four months because I knew there would be bumps in the road, and there were.  I was sick a few times, Annie was too, and somehow life seem to creep into my normal routine.  Three weeks ago, I wasn’t sure that I would physically be able to run a mile, much less 3.1 miles.  I’m still not sure, but hey, a girl can dream.  I have lost 7 pounds since January and dropped a pants size.  I can see the changes in my body that others have seen for months.  I’m still completely aware of my body and what it looks like, but I am beginning to become more proud of it.  I’ve had a lot of life changes in the last 5 years, but this four month journey has hopefully been the most lifelong change I’ve made for myself.  I was inspired to run by my sister Anna and my friend L, but I hope to be an example for Annie.


A very big thank you to everyone who have asked how my training was going, encouraged me to keep going, and giving me advice.  I’ll be thinking about all of it while I run.  🙂


Baby Steps March 13, 2012

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Today marks exactly one month until my first 5k.  I have found that I really enjoy running outside (trust me, words I never thought would come out of my mouth) and will do whatever I can to avoid running on the treadmill (more words that have never come out of my mouth).  The current weather pattern is helping my desire to be outside; Annie and I have been outside at some point over the last 4 days.

BIG NEWS:  Annie had tubes put in her ears last Friday.  ABOUT TIME!  These tubes better solve all of her infections; I have no idea what I’ll do if they don’t.  Annie had a 6th and final double ear infection just before the surgery, and while she was on antibiotics from her 5th infection.  I’m over it.

BIGGER NEWS:  I have been wearing a size 14 for at least 8 months.  Today, I wore a pair of jeans in a size 12.  IN. PUBLIC.


I have been moving at about 8 million miles an hour, and only in the last 3 days have I had a chance to breathe.  I’ve been a little overwhelmed, but I’ve been able to smile through the whole thing, and it hasn’t been a fake smile.  I am loving my life, my daughter, and my husband, and all that I have surrounding me.


Life Goes On February 28, 2012

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I’m writing two posts tonight…a general catch-you-up one and a recipe one.

The Catch-up

Life has gone on.   Matt’s traveling this week; this is his annual geek conference in San Fransisco.  I’m looking forward to Friday night when he comes home, but I appreciate the feeling of missing him.  We both apologized for what had been happening over the past two years before he left.  I love loving Matt.

The weather has been so nice recently, and we’ve been taking advantage of it.  I’ve recognized that Annie needs to use her energy outside of the house, and not just going to the grocery store.  We had a great day of the park and playing with our neighbor on Sunday; Anne slept for over 14 hours that night.  Luckily, this week is very “unplanned,” so I took advantage of that today.  We went to two different playgrounds, had pancakes at IHOP (it’s Free Pancake Day), and a special treat of ice cream after one playground experience.  I have the best kid.

Running had been a struggle last week, but I’ve made a point this week to get back into it.  7 1/2 weeks until the 5k.  I finally ran outside on Monday.  I think I like running outside over on the treadmill, it’s not nearly as boring.  I didn’t kill myself, just a little over a mile with some walking too.  Anyone interested in an outside run sometime this weekend?

Here we are on the eve of Leap Year 2012, and I’ll do a quick recap of my resolutions.  The running is clearly going, I’m not sure well, but I’m able to propel myself forward.  The actual weight loss is an unending battle that one day I will concur.  My quest to organize our house is at a complete stand still.  I have to start this soon, none of our dresser’s can hold much more.

All in all, for nearly three months into this new, life-changing, year life is 100 times better than it was this time last year.  (Of course, this time last year, I was about to go on a very lovely Caribbean vacation, and this year I’m not.)  Life Goes On.  🙂


Let’s Play Catch-Up February 21, 2012

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I’m sorry I slacked on the recipes last week.  I have plenty of recipes to tell everyone about, and I will this week, I swear.  On the flip side, I registered for my 5k!!!!  Even though I’ve registered, I’ve been slacking in the running.  My mistake was not staying with my schedule while Matt was gone; I decided to sleep in on Wednesday. I’m about 4 days behind on my training schedule.  Now I have to start thinking about running outside, and potentially training with other people.  April 14th is a lot closer than when I started training.

No surprise, Annie has consumed me for the last week.  Aside from my typical mom consumption, Annie had a cold starting Thursday, then a fever on Friday.  Tylenol wasn’t bringing her fever down and she slept with me Friday night (even when she was a newborn, she’s never slept in our bed), so we went to the pediatrician on Saturday.  Fifth double ear infection since November, and Annie’s on antibiotics until she has her tubes in in 16 days.  This also ruined my very well laid plan for going to the gym on Saturday.  Since Annie’s ear infections started, the pediatrician has noticed a slight murmur in Annie’s heart; we saw a cardiologist today to check it.  She’s fine.  One of the front desk ladies at the pediatrician’s practically knows our credit card number, she’s seen us so much.

I love Matt.  In some strange way, the way I feel about Matt is almost similar to how I felt when we first started dating.  I’m giddy to see him every evening.  When he came home on Saturday, I didn’t want to let go of him.  As you can all attest to, not very long ago I was second-guessing my marriage.  This is where I belong.

Matt had a daddy-daughter day on Monday, as I had training at work.  He’s done this before, but Annie’s energy level is way different now.  They went to the park and went on the swings and the slide, and then they got the mail and then walked over to school to get me.  Matt leaves again on Monday, and I am already looking forward to his return on Friday.

Tomorrow, I swear, recipes!  I’m trying a stellar (well, hopefully) Crock Pot recipe for dinner tomorrow, and it will be fresh in my mind.  I’m hoping to make you all drool.


Re-entry February 14, 2012

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Again, I am so sorry I have been lacking in the posts.  Today is not about a particular thing, but how I’ve been feeling.  Matt is leaving for Seattle tomorrow morning; he’ll return on Saturday afternoon.  While I don’t like it when Matt is gone, there’s some truth to “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

I am beginning to see changes in me, not physically but mentally.  I posted last week about my frustration with my lack of weight loss, and I received a lot of positive feedback.  I’m still frustrated, and I’m going to see a doctor about these frustrations.  However, I’m beginning to feel more confident about myself, and I’m not as easily pissed off as I was even a month ago.  On this day, Valentine’s Day, I’m sure Matt is especially appreciative of these changes.  My smiles comes easier, and are much more genuine.


Running is harder, but I’m beginning to think more positively about it.  I still need to register for my run; I swear, while Matt’s gone.  Matt and I had date night last Saturday, and we had the best time, maybe the first time in a long time.  This is the life I’m meant to have.

She's got something on her face. Happy Valentine's Day!


No Regrets February 7, 2012

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Today is Mr. A’s 62nd birthday.  Unfortunately, he isn’t around to help us blow out his candles.  Sadly, we lost Mr. A December 29, 2007.  I try not to think about things in the past that I would change; losing Mr. A is the only thing I wish I could change.  Unlike Mrs. A, I didn’t know Mr. A when I started dating Matt.  In the 3 short years that I had to get to know Mr. A, I learned how hilarious he was, incredibly intelligent, and endlessly caring.  I see these qualities and so many more in each of his children, especially Matt.

After 4 years, this hasn’t gotten any easier; Matt and I have shed many, many tears about Mr. A.  We are now faced with how to handle this with Annie.  We have plenty of photos around the house of Mr. A, and we make a point to point out “Poppa.”  Annie knows who Poppa is.  When we brought Annie home from the hospital, we took a detour to visit the cemetery first.  Matt and Mr. A had some connection with penguins, and has become a general family “thang.”  We call anything with penguins on it “Poppa Penguins.”

In the year after Mr. A’s death, we made a point to spend all important dates as a family.  We’ve slacked off in last few years; whether because of various schedules or just life events, we aren’t always together on days that we might need each other the most.  After my therapist suggested that we should begin a tradition with Annie on the anniversary of Mr. A’s death, Matt and I decided that we liked that idea.  Of course, we wanted to make a happy tradition and we thought that marking the anniversary of his death wasn’t particularly happy.  Today, Mr. A’s birthday, Annie and I baked and decorated a cake.  We lit a candle and we sang.  I think this is a great tradition.


Matt and I have a black-tie event tomorrow night, and I am really looking forward to going out with him.  I love when we dress up, since it’s so rare for us.  Running yesterday wasn’t too bad, but tomorrow looks rough.  I am really glad that I still have 9 1/2 weeks before the 5k.  I cashed in on my reward for having done half of my training; I got my pedicure tonight!  As frustrated as I am about my weight, I am seeing bluer skies and prettier rainbows.  Life is starting to look good.


Weekend Wrap-Up February 5, 2012

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Ok, really this going to be more of a week-long warp-up.  I apologize for my massive brain mush I suffered from this past week.  To be honest, I am blanking on what really happened after Tuesday.  This was not my strongest week, but thankfully, it ended well.  I think because I was without Matt’s help last weekend, it made getting into the week harder.  To add insult to injury, I added 3 1/2 hours of work to my schedule.  In reality this isn’t a huge deal, except that we are so massively short staffed that it wasn’t particularly stress-less.  (Just to give you a visual, I think the hall of our school is about 100 yards long, and Thursday alone I think I walked about 8 miles in school.)

We weighed in on Thursday.  I was so pumped going into it, and so crushed coming out of it.  Six weeks ago, I weighed in at 187.  Thursday, I weighed 189.  I am frustrated.  I am stumped.  I am pissed.  Everyone tells me I look great, I’m skinnier, “what are you doing?,” but CLEARLY SOMETHING ISN’T WORKING!  WHAT IS IT??????  I can’t even write how mad I am.  I have lost 10 pounds in 15 months.  I’ve had my thyroid checked, twice!  There is clearly something I am just not getting.

Running is getting harder.  I sneaked a peek at what’s coming for the week, and I am not looking forward to it.  This begins the real running.  I have yet to register for my first 5k, but I will at the end of this week.  It’s April 14th.  I’m not doing this for time, I’m doing this to finish.  Just FYI, I will cry while I run and when I finish.

I suddenly feel like we had a busy weekend, but it was enjoyable even if it was.  Annie had a sleepover with Mrs. A last night, as Matt and I went to a party for my aunt and uncle who were married over the summer.  We had a pretty normal Saturday, gym, errands, etc.  I did go to the gym by myself and (nearly) enjoyed my bubble while there.  We had a lovely brunch this morning with my family, and a lovely walk during naptime.  We decided against joining a Super Bowl party this year (it’s not totally ideal for Annie’s bedtime), but that didn’t stop us from having our own party.  Annie had a special treat: eating in front of the TV.  Of course, we taught her the “TOUCHDOWN!” stance.  We are a divided house; I’m a born and raised New England/Boston any team fan, and Matt has a special place for the Giants.  One day, Annie will have to choose.

Aside from the Living Social Oscar party (black-tie) on Wednesday night, we have a pretty normal week ahead.  I am very excited about this.  I cooked one meal last week, and I am looking forward to cooking a few more this week.  Next week is the beginning of a few business trips for Matt, and hopefully, a little normal will help me while he’s gone.  I’m going into this week with a clearer mind and a smile on my face.