Keeping it real

Baby Steps March 13, 2012

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Today marks exactly one month until my first 5k.  I have found that I really enjoy running outside (trust me, words I never thought would come out of my mouth) and will do whatever I can to avoid running on the treadmill (more words that have never come out of my mouth).  The current weather pattern is helping my desire to be outside; Annie and I have been outside at some point over the last 4 days.

BIG NEWS:  Annie had tubes put in her ears last Friday.  ABOUT TIME!  These tubes better solve all of her infections; I have no idea what I’ll do if they don’t.  Annie had a 6th and final double ear infection just before the surgery, and while she was on antibiotics from her 5th infection.  I’m over it.

BIGGER NEWS:  I have been wearing a size 14 for at least 8 months.  Today, I wore a pair of jeans in a size 12.  IN. PUBLIC.


I have been moving at about 8 million miles an hour, and only in the last 3 days have I had a chance to breathe.  I’ve been a little overwhelmed, but I’ve been able to smile through the whole thing, and it hasn’t been a fake smile.  I am loving my life, my daughter, and my husband, and all that I have surrounding me.


Life Goes On February 28, 2012

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I’m writing two posts tonight…a general catch-you-up one and a recipe one.

The Catch-up

Life has gone on.   Matt’s traveling this week; this is his annual geek conference in San Fransisco.  I’m looking forward to Friday night when he comes home, but I appreciate the feeling of missing him.  We both apologized for what had been happening over the past two years before he left.  I love loving Matt.

The weather has been so nice recently, and we’ve been taking advantage of it.  I’ve recognized that Annie needs to use her energy outside of the house, and not just going to the grocery store.  We had a great day of the park and playing with our neighbor on Sunday; Anne slept for over 14 hours that night.  Luckily, this week is very “unplanned,” so I took advantage of that today.  We went to two different playgrounds, had pancakes at IHOP (it’s Free Pancake Day), and a special treat of ice cream after one playground experience.  I have the best kid.

Running had been a struggle last week, but I’ve made a point this week to get back into it.  7 1/2 weeks until the 5k.  I finally ran outside on Monday.  I think I like running outside over on the treadmill, it’s not nearly as boring.  I didn’t kill myself, just a little over a mile with some walking too.  Anyone interested in an outside run sometime this weekend?

Here we are on the eve of Leap Year 2012, and I’ll do a quick recap of my resolutions.  The running is clearly going, I’m not sure well, but I’m able to propel myself forward.  The actual weight loss is an unending battle that one day I will concur.  My quest to organize our house is at a complete stand still.  I have to start this soon, none of our dresser’s can hold much more.

All in all, for nearly three months into this new, life-changing, year life is 100 times better than it was this time last year.  (Of course, this time last year, I was about to go on a very lovely Caribbean vacation, and this year I’m not.)  Life Goes On.  🙂


Family First February 15, 2012

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One day I’ll write about my parents and Anna, but today, a little more about the people who live under my roof.

Yesterday, Matt conned up some story about having lunch with old co-workers at the mall.  I don’t know about your mall, but our’s happens to have a Hallmark store in it, oh and to get to the mall you have to drive past Wegman’s.  Wegman’s was having a special on roses.  Matt brought me some gorgeous roses, a little chocolate (that I’ve shared with Annie), and this morning I found a card on the counter.  The last year has been the lowest of the low for me, and for our relationship, but today, I’m in love with Matt just like I was two years ago.  He’s the best, and I am onevery lucky girl.

It’s just us women until Saturday.  Matt’s in Seattle for Living Social.  I have the best daughter, and damn, is she cute.  I wasn’t the easiest of children to raise (lying was my game), and I knew when I was pregnant that any daughter I’d have will be at least 10 times harder to raise.  Annie’s strong-willed personality is starting to emerge…  Or at the very least, she just needs to learn some words instead of the screeching.

Our neighbor’s have a son who’s in Annie’s class at school, and they invited us over for dinner tonight.  Annie went home early with them while I finished out the day.  I know I’ve said this before, but the best part of my day is when Annie comes running to see me with a huge smile on her face, despite what show is distracting on TV (Backyardigans is our new favorite).  After delicious shrimp tacos and a lot of guacamole (one of Annie’s favorite things), we headed home for bath night.  Annie loves the bath.  One day I’ll post a video of her in the tub, hilarious!  She is beginning to understand the idea of splashing and it’s appeal; tonight, I nearly took a second shower.  Don’t tell Matt, but I think I might love Annie just a little more than him.

Annie slept until 8 this morning, so I skipped the gym.  She was a big helper at the post office though, and the dude gave her a sticker for all her help!  Harris Teeter has mini grocery carts, and Annie has been on a kick of helping me push the big cart, so I thought that since we only needed a few things, this would be a good route.  She loved it!  She was so proud of herself, and I love that she’s confident enough to find some independence.

I’m meeting with my psychiatrist tomorrow for our follow-up since I’ve been on the anti-depressants.  I can certainly tell a positive difference in my life since I started the meds, and I’m not ashamed that I needed help.  I hope that I can help others find help if they need it.  Tomorrow, recipes!


Weekend Wrap-Up January 30, 2012

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I’m sorry I’m a day late.  I was not prepared for the end of the weekend and the beginning of a new week.  Despite that, I had a great weekend.  Matt attended his annual hacking conference in DC, giving me sole responsibility of Annie for 72 hours.  Of course, this was the first weekend since Christmas that we’ve had any prearranged plans.  Luckily, I had plenty of time to plan and prepare for this, making life a little easier.

It all began after a day at work (which was probably tiring, I can’t remember).  In order to make our Saturday plans flow, I needed help, so we spent the night with my parents.  Annie is so funny running around their apartment building and riding the elevator up and down.  These mundane activities helped immensely in our timeline for Saturday.  We were traveling to King George (that’s East of Fredricksburg) for a birthday party; it’s a 2-hour drive.  Thankfully, we were passing Ikea in Woodbridge.  Annie had a great time wandering (occasionally sprinting ahead of me) through couches, chairs, and beds.  When we finally arrived in the children’s section,  Annie actually said “WOW!”

I had a break on Saturday night after a long day of driving and catching up with friends.  One of my co-workers was having a birthday party, and thankfully, she lives a block away.  Annie had her first sleepover with a boy!  Of course, they slept in separate beds, and separate rooms.  I had a great time partying with my co-workers, without the stresses of work, and really just enjoy life (frankly, the way we should be able to enjoy our jobs, without the drinking part of course).

After chocolate chip pancakes on Sunday morning, Annie took a long nap while I got ready for a baby shower.  I dropped Annie with Mrs. A while I went to the baby shower, and was picked up by Matt.  He told me she came running at him!  I was so excited to see him when I got home from the baby shower, that I practically ran to him too!  I love this place where we are right now.


I ran today.  Whoa.  This week was a huge step up in the training, and I couldn’t quite do it.  I’m being accountable and honest.  This week’s running is 5 minute walking warm-up, 3 minute run, 90 seconds walking, 5 minute run, 2 1/2 walking, 3 minute run, 90 seconds walking, 5 minute running, and finally a 5 minute walking cool-down.  That last 5 minute running, I could only do 3 1/2 minutes.  I’m not down about it, I’m incredibly proud of myself for doing as much as I have.  I ran 14 1/2 minutes today, I’ve never done that.  I’m being weighed on Thursday, and I can’t wait.


Modern Family January 26, 2012

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In advance of my weekend of single-parenthood (which I have done before), I thought this was a good a time as any to talk about the little person who makes me a parent.  My Annie Bananie.  (FYI, if you know me at all, you know I’m crying the entire time I write this.)

I have never questioned what I am meant to do.  My higher calling is to be a mom.  I was certain that this job was the one that I would excel at, and yet, while I was pregnant, I questioned how good I would be.  As I mentioned before, I had a near perfect pregnancy and Matt was by my side for nearly every step.  The only appointment Matt missed was the ultrasound where we learned that Annie was Annie.  We had mentioned to the doctor that Matt was going to miss the appointment, and she said that we could reschedule.  HA!  I had waited 20 very long weeks for this day, there was no changing it.  In exchange for Matt, my mom and sisters joined me for this monumental occasion, oh, and Matt was on speakerphone.   I think the thought of a daughter scared the living !@#$ out of Matt.  The thought of having a daughter scared the living !@#$ out of me.

I was ready for the end of my pregnancy at least 3 weeks before Annie was born.  My due date (October 30th) came and went (I was a VERY pregnant black cat for Halloween).  I was extremely disappointed to be seeing the doctor at 40 weeks pregnant.  I pleaded with the doctor that my sister was flying home from college for the weekend to meet the baby, and there needed to be a baby for her to see.  Annie is a Snowmaggeden 2010 baby; there was no room in the hospital to induce me unless medically necessary.  I went back to the doctor 3 days in a row to sit for 30 minutes attached to monitors to find a reason to induce me.  There was never a reason.  Finally, we found an opening at the hospital; 9 am November 4th was our day.  My phone rang at 6 am to tell me I was getting bumped.  I was finally admitted to the hospital at 4:30.  I had one round of inducing drugs at 8:30, then a stronger set at 3 am (now November 5th).  My epidural didn’t fully take at 9 am, and anyone who was around helped me through contractions.  My cousin E (from Boston) surprised me at the end of a contraction!  My mom, Anna, and Mrs. A came in and out to keep us company during the day.  Finally, in the early afternoon, it was decided that I would have a cesarean section.  Again, we had to wait for more pressing births.  I can’t tell you the name of the doctors or nurses who were in the operating room, but I remember every moment very clearly.  The entire process was an out of body experience.  When I heard Annie’s first cry, I was stunned at how overwhelmingly calm I felt.

I was madly in love with this tiny person who had just be inside me.  There was nothing more I wanted to do than hold her.  I needed her near me forever.  I couldn’t hold her for nearly an hour after she was born.  Once I finally held her, I was whole.  I had waited 28 years to be called Mom, and it had finally happened.  We struggled with breastfeeding, turns out Annie was tongue-tied.  From the very beginning, Annie has been fabulous.  We are incredibly lucky.

Despite the ups and downs I have had, or Matt and I have had, Annie makes everything better.  Annie loves me unconditionally, and I hope that I can spend the rest of my life returning that love. 


Annie and I had a very calm and uneventful day, and it was awesome.  Matt has a conference in DC all weekend, and for the first time in several weekends, we have a lot of things to do.  Just like the running and weight loss goal, I can do this, and I will do this.  Hope everyone has a great weekend!